A flash of memory,
And I made myself sick.
I don't feel often,
So I dove into it.
I've visited the memory,
To help me process before,
But never before that moment,
Had it hit me at my core.

​

Waves come and go,
Like ocean on sand.
Reality is fickle,
When we've visited these lands.
Sickness endures,
In sickening swoon.
A punch to the gut,
In memories bloom.

​

Thank god I could not feel,
Upon that day.
Let feelings slick,
And slither away.
Thank god I could not feel,
Thank god I was disconnected,
Thank god I did not feel,
False forced feelings erected.
Pushing deeper into my physicy,
As he pulsed upon me.
Step back from reality,
As consciousness becomes steam.

 

I feel sick when I visit,
Those moments in mind.
But never have a felt,
A blow of that kind.
A punch to the gut,
And I cripple down sick.
Though it's all gone now,
I got out of it!

 

Thank you for showing me,
What self love can mean.
And education in seeing,
The things that had been.
Though permission was made,
Under said forced pretences.
Disgusted I let it,
Disgusted I let it.
Thank you for letting me learn,
I didn't bring it on my self.
Forced, threatened, tortured circumstances,
Broke through my every health.
 

He knew what he was doing,
He set it up so.
Tiers flooded, streaming,
As he dove forbidden holes.
 

I reject disgusted with me,
And turn towards . . . It,
That punch to the gut that makes

me feel sick.

​

Physical pains,
In trade,
For his sadistic games.
Just a kid,
Playing at phyco sadist.
Time and time again,
But this ones not the same.
That punch in the gut's,
The most painful memory.
 

I reject disgusted with me,
And turn towards . . . It,
That punch to the gut that made me feel sick.

 

Please tell me I don't have to process to move on.
I have the strength and I will,
It is not my reality anymore,
And I can't wait to wake up to this one.